


Talk Dirty to Me

by MJ (mjr91)



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-30
Updated: 1999-09-30
Packaged: 2018-11-20 13:47:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11336760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjr91/pseuds/MJ
Summary: Thanks to Kass and to Pares for beta and comments.  Virtual roses to both of you - especially to Pares for reminding me that there hadn't been any L/B stories out lately.





	Talk Dirty to Me

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Talk Dirty to Me by MJ

Thanks to Kass and to Dawn Pares for beta and comments. Virtual roses to both of you - especially to Dawn for reminding me that there hadn't been any L/B stories out lately.  
Feedback: 

* * *

"Talk Dirty to Me"  
by MJ

Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
hot lips  
Hey, Princess... talk dirty to me... Hairboy

  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
Re: hot lips  
What are you talking about? Frohike's sitting right beside me - and across from you, I might add. You think I'm gonna start in on that in front of the Boss Gnome? AND with a deadline for LGM?  
JFB

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
You moron...  
Princess, you have to be the sexiest moron in town. Email me, baby. Tell me how much you wanna wrap those gorgeous smackers of yours around me... I'm getting hard just thinking about it... you know you give head like it's going out of fashion...mmm...

  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
Re: You moron  
I may be slow but I am NOT a moron. As I recall, hairboy, you like it when I take it slow... 

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Oh, yeah, sugarbuns... mmm... hey, you're squirming! I saw you! Thinking about what I did last night when I wrapped my hair around you? You liked that one -- did you know that come is good for your hair? Great conditioner... all that protein... you better eat steak for dinner, Princess, cause I got split ends.

  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
(no subject)  
I am NOT squirming! I'm just trying to adjust myself. That's all. I gained a little weight and my pants are tight.

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Re: (no subject)  
Your pants are tight, all right, sugarbuns. I can see right where they're tight, too. Whatta you say I crawl down under the desk and suck you off? Think Boss Gnome'll notice? Just because you make those cute little moans when you come, and your head goes back like you're spastic?

  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
Re: Re: (no subject)  
Don't you dare even think about that! And my name's not "sugarbuns". Just because you have some kind of public sex fetish that makes you want to wrap those big, juicy wet lips of yours around me and blow me dry anywhere you can get the chance doesn't mean it's time to tick off the B. G. over here. So watch it!

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Re: Re: Re: (no subject)  
My, my... are we sensitive about that pretty little ass of yours, Princess? I guess you should be after last night - I mean, you did beg for it twice, and I was kind of short on lube. And I AM watching it, Princess. Your cock's twitching so hard I can see it pounding your zipper. Better let me fix that or you'll be doing a zipper replacement.

  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
My tailor  
Might be an idea getting my zipper fixed. The tailor who does my alterations keeps feeling me up when he measures me. Maybe he knows a few tricks you don't? I mean, I've heard a lot about Italians - maybe I should find out?

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Re: Your tailor  
Only if I can watch, Princess. I'd pay to see some hot, horny Italian stallion do you. Can I suck you off while he does it? Hmmm?

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Re: Your Tailor 2  
You're blushing, sugarbuns! I knew it! You want to, don't you? You really want to do a three-way with me and some stud puppy. Hey, I'm game. You're such a slut, Princess, and you won't even admit it. C'mon. We can cruise tonight for some dumb jock with a big bulge and do it. You know you want to, don't you? You know you want me to watch some jock fuck your ass till you scream, Princess. 

  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
Stop it!  
Ringo, cut it out or I swear to God I'll kill you. Can we talk about this later?

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Re: Stop it!  
Oh - you want to talk about it later? I knew you liked it. I know what else you like, Princess, and I know you want it. You're getting that glazed look you get when you really, really want it. And you're still blushing. Have I ever told you how hot you look when you blush, Princess? Now, are you going to let me take care of that little problem of yours, or not?

  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
No problem  
I do not have a little problem, Hairboy. I'm fine. I'm just tired. Cool it.

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Re: No problem  
You're right, Princess - I take it back. Little is not the right word for that gorgeous tool of yours. And I'd love to cool it off for you - let me suck down a couple of ice cubes and I'll be ready to go.

  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
Re: Re: No problem  
Well, I'm glad you noticed, Hairboy. I mean, you've never exactly complained about me in that department, but I'm glad you recognize a good thing when you've got it. Not that there's anything the matter with yours, of course. There certainly wasn't last night. Uh - you're right; I AM still feeling last night. Not that I'm complaining, you understand - I mean, you have a LOT more talents than I suspected when we met.

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
(no subject)  
Oh, I'm loaded with talent, Princess. All where it counts. Now, how about my giving you a little talent show? Want me to make you speak in tongues?

  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
Re: (no subject)  
Got any other tricks? 

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Re: Re: (no subject)  
Oh, yeah, Princess. Let me charm that one-eyed snake of yours and teach it to dance, huh?

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Re: Re: (no subject) 2  
Watch out - Boss Gnome's looking around

  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
Re: Snake charming  
You'd better not just be talking, Hairboy. I'm taking a coffee break now. Be there or be square. 

  
Ringo_L@usa.com  
JFByers@yahoo.com  
Coffee break  
I could use some candy myself. I love those all-day suckers, Princess. Hey, B.G. really seems to be into whatever he just hacked - take a peek. What'd he find, Princess?

  
JFByers@yahoo.com, Ringo_L@usa.com  
MelFro@hotmail.com  
Windows NT. Remember it?  
I don't care if you two assholes go fuck yourselves silly but these computers are networked. You are wasting deadline time sending cybersex messages, you idiots. You'd spend less time actually fucking than you are wasting by emailing each other about it. By the way, the next one of you to call me "Boss Gnome" will discover what getting it up the ass without lube really means. Get out of here, get your rocks off, and go kick an elf or something. Deadline is four pm sharp, morons!

By the way, Byers -- Vinnie Riccardi, your tailor? Back off. He's my date tonight, Princess. PRINCESS? Nah. I don't wanna know.


End file.
